The Mad Magician, Vincent Price, Magic and Murder

Vincent Price! One of the all-time greats!  I don't do enough of his films on my blog.  Even his lesser known films are superb.  Today we have one in which he plays a mad murderer...and we still cheer for him.  As Vincent Price portrays a fiend, us the viewer are on his side and cheering for his success. Today we look at 1954's "The Mad Magician," directed by John Brahm.

Movies about magicians are at a disadvantage.  Because of "movie magic," or nowadays CGI or other f/x, the tricks we see on the silver screen just don't cause awe and shock.  Put Vincent Price in the film and that doesn't matter.  Gallico the Magician (Price) and his nubile assistant Karen (Mary Murphy) woo an audience.  The magician has a special trick called "The Lady and the Buzz Saw" in which he'll cut off Karen's head.  Brilliant!  Too brilliant, I'm afraid.  Gallico's act and him are owned by seedy businessman Ross Ormond (Donald Randolph), who closes the curtain on the act.  Ormond takes Gallico off stage and tells him to give all his tricks to his rival, The Great Rinaldi (John Emery). Furious, Gallico strangles Ormond and creates a mask and impersonates him.  Now, as Ormond, Gallico rents a room from mystery writer Alice Prentiss (Lenita Lane).

Okay.  Gallico will continue his murders.  You can guess the slate.  Enter Eva Gabor as the mad man's ex-wife, and current wife or Ormond.  Thinking she is confronting Ormond, she is actually confronting Gallico.  Yep...poor Eva Gabor. Bad news for Gallico, his pretty assistant is dating the very handsome and bright Detective Bruce (Patrick O'Neal).  Even more bad news...Alice Prentiss has a great imagination. Every thought of hers is about homicide and then thrown into her novels.  She's suspicious.  As the walls close in around Gallico he becomes more mad...and more homicidal.  Now Detective Bruce wants to use new and modern investigative techniques...and the nubile Karen will find herself in great peril.

In getting rid of his enemies, can Gallico shake a police investigation by the lover of his assistant?  Will Alice Prentiss end up with her next great best-seller or will she end up at the end of a blade in Gallico's next magic act?  Is there a chance that Gallico will turn the tables, pull a Dr. Phibes on everyone, and escape?  This is a good one.  Not the best known Vincent Price film but true fans will want to see "The Mad Magician."   

Fear the Creature, Rubber Suited Monster Shreds Hunks and Babes

CGI be damned!  Gimme a film with a toothy rubber-suited monster! Throw in some hunks and babes...passionate pre-marital sex, gore, and a hot monster hunter (Chase Masterson) with tight leather pants on a motorcycle. Do you need to hear more?  Oh...that monster hunter is also a sultry mad scientist. Okay, today we look at 2004's "Fear the Creature" (aka "Creature Unknown"), directed by Michael Burnett.

Four years ago, during prom night, Wes died mysteriously...body never found. There is plenty of drama to that night which we won't go into. Four years later, Wes' twin brother Steve (Chris Hoffman) gets all the friends together for a reunion in a cabin in the wilderness.  Oh, by the way, two babe hikers (Erin Cahill and Laurie Shiers) were just shredded in that same wilderness.  Steve is now bonding with Wes' old GF Amanda (Maggie Grace). Also along are the bitter Rachel (Ella Bowman), who was Wes' GF when Amanda stole him away.  Add in Sean (John Keyser) and Ally (Kristin Herold), who will have passionate pre-marital sex.  Ally will also give us a gratuitous shower scene.  Uh oh...the creature, half reptile half Bigfoot, which shredded the two babe hikers, sets its sight on this group of reunion buddies.

Now, one by one...the thing strikes.  Rachel is shredded.  No surprise here, as Ms. Bowman is way down in the credits.  Uh oh...here comes the babe in leather pants and riding a motorcycle. Kat (Masterson) arrives wielding a shotgun. Her backstory is compelling.  A mad scientist that watched her son die and tried to save him with experimental treatments. It is apparent that Kat has been hunting the creature for some time.  She had built a lab in an old WW2 bunker...where she is obviously still conducting genetic experiments. Kat will feud with the buddies.  Amanda will take an immediate dislike to her...probably because Kat is hot, wears leather pants, and carries a shotgun...all a big draw to any sex-crazed hunk. The creature keeps striking.  Uh oh...we, the viewer start picking up on clues.  Is Steve really Steve, or his dead brother.  Is the monster Kat's son?  Red herrings and twists abound.

Will Kat and Amanda engage in a catfight to the death...in the mud or a tub of Jell-o...okay, forgive me...I withdraw the question.  Is the creature Kat's son?  Will there be a final battle for humanity that takes place in the old bunker?  This is a good one.  The toothy creature is neat, and the rubber suit is so refreshing.  The babe and hunk factor is so good, too.  See "Fear the Creature," and see a nostalgic effort in creature f/x.  

Blood Predator, All Out War in a Mountain Cabin

All right.  Listen closely.  Do not let the first 45 minutes of this film bias you.  Only after watching the second half of this film pass judgment.  What unfolds in the second half is a bacchanal effort of slimy and icky monsters, lesbian love scenes, heterosexual love scenes, gory kills, and bad-ass women saving the day.  For example, you will judge Sandy (Merry Simkins) early on...but you will be dead wrong.  Today we look at 2007's "Blood Predator," directed by Paul Gagne.

An airplane full of hunk and babe couples crash land in a remote mountain region near Yosemite.  The couples and one hot lesbian want to go skiing. The party makes it to an isolated cabin which shows no immediate signs of life.  Little do they know, an icky spider creature/alien has crash landed on earth and has taken up residence there.  It has already eaten a stranded skimobile guy. Okay, adventurer wannabe John (Bill Devlin) has assumed leadership over the group.  Unfortunately he doesn't know what he's doing, and his grouchy wife Sandy lets him know that any chance she gets.  The only non-coupled babe is Caren (Jackie Joyner), a hot lesbian, who will have carnal relations during the film with one of the other babes.  Of most note is ditz Barb (Rayne Aspergren), a nymphomaniac attached to rich guy Tom (Mark Irvingsen). The two will have a lot of gratuitous and deviant sex.

Okay...we'll see a lot of sex, including the aforementioned sex between two babes, and bickering.  Then they discover the monster and all-out war begins.  This slimy spider thing has humongous teeth and has a tongue that shoots out and impales.  One by one it picks off the group. Oh, by the way, don't try to figure out who will live and who will die...you won't.  This is actually good news for the nymphomaniac Barb, as now she has a chance.  Remember the b***h Sandy?  You are in for a surprise. See, Sandy has attitude.  She also has the ability to go ballistic with guns, explosives, and bear traps.  Yes!  All out war continues right up until the explosive conclusion.

Does nymphomaniac Barb have a shot at survival...that is survival that doesn't include carnal relations with the spider-monster?  Just what does Sandy have up her sleeve (or bra strap) that could put up a fight from the evil alien?  Are any of the hunks in this film of any use other than providing steamy sex with their women?  The last half of this film makes it one of the most spirited horror films of 2007.  See "Blood Predator" and be surprised by the bravery and sexual prowess by the babes in this film.      

They're Playing with Fire, A Sybil Danning Spectacular

Sybil Danning all oiled up in a skimpy bikini.  Sybil Danning is gratuitous shower scenes.  Sybil Danning in the throes of passion during extra-marital sex.  Sybil Danning in outfits that just seem to fall off her.  Sybil Danning in peril.  Today we may have Sybil Danning's Magnum Opus.  Yes...it is a horror film.  This may not seem like a horror film but that is because we won't mention the psycho Santa Claus or the masked man with the machete...or the mental asylum in Switzerland...we have too much other stuff to talk about when Sybil Danning graces the silver screen.  Today we look at 1984's "They're Playing with Fire," directed by Howard Avedis.

Diane (Danning) is an English Literature professor  at a southern California university. She teaches her students, sunbathes in skimpy bikinis, and has a lot of passionate sex.  She seduces a clean cut student, Jay (Eric Brown) to do her a favor.  See, Diane is married to an evil professor, the hunk Michael (Andrew Prine).  Diane and Michael want to off Michael's grandmother and sister so they can inherit the family wealth.  They tell Jay that they just need him to break in the mansion and scare them.  Why would Jay do this?  Please!  Diane uses deviant sex to persuade him.  Diane also hires Jay to do odd jobs on their yacht.  The odd jobs allow him to peek at Diane sunbathing, showering, and to have steamy sex with his professor.

Right!  Jay breaks into the mansion and nothing goes as it is supposed to.  Someone else in in the mansion and murders the grandmother and sister and tries to murder Jay.  Now if the cops are called, Jay will be the prime suspect.  Jay figures out Diane and Michael set him up.  Worse yet, a nubile babe in class, Cynthia (Beth Scheffell) blackmails Jay. She has taken pics of him screwing Diane and won't hesitate to show Diane's husband.  Unfortunately for Cynthia, she will meet the psycho Santa Claus. So sad.  Now to keep Jay interested and loyal to her cause, Diane has a ton more deviant sex with Jay and claims she is going to leave Michael.  Wait!  Is this really what is going on?  Twists and turns.  More steamy sex...more gratuitous showers...more murders...and in every part of it Sybil Danning is doing what Sybil Danning does best.

Did Michael and Diane really murder the grandmother and sister?  Is a life sentence in prison worth a lot of steamy sex with Sybil Danning?  Was Cynthia's brutal fate merely because she was on Santa's "naughty" list"?  This is an uber-erotic mystery thriller that becomes a slasher/horror film.  For gratuitous Sybil Danning, treat yourself and watch "They're Playing with Fire."

A Blood Story, Bikini Model and Eternal Youth

Yes!  Mindy Robinson plays a bikini model taking on Elizabeth Bathory's family.  Is there a more perfect plot in the history of film?  Forget the tired plots about racism (Yawn), social justice, superheroes, or strong-willed women succeeding in a man's world.  All garbage!  Gimme a bikini model bathing in the blood of virgins and deviant sex.  Wokeness be damned...nubile bikini models rule!  That's my motto.  Today we look at 2015's "A Blood Story," directed by Joe Hollow.

Madison (Robinson) is a bikini model turned writer.  She comes home one day and finds her husband cutting up a young babe in their marital babe.  Madison shoots him dead.  Happens. Now Madison is a writer searching for the fountain of youth.  She ends up at a castle run by the ancestors of Elizabeth Bathory.  Francis (Camden Toy) and his daughter Anna (Melanie Robel), who are just a little too intimate for dad and daughter, are the hosts.  At this castle, young nubile babes are whipped to death and their blood is used for bathing.  Madison takes advantages, bathes in the blood, and all her scars, inflicted on her by her crazy husband, disappear.  Also there is ex-assassin Carter (Mark Hanson)...he and Madison will bond.  Many months later, Madison and Carter decide to rob the castle of its treasure.

Now Madison and Carter return for another weekend of bathing in virgin blood.  Uh oh, Elizabeth Bathory's (Debra Lamb) spirit wants Madison.  Uh oh again, Anna and Francis are smart...they know Madison and Carter are there to rob them.  Triple uh oh...Francis and Anna want to do a blood ritual and bring Elizabeth back to life.  Who's blood will they need for this ritual?  You can probably guess.  Or can you?  Incest...orgies...aphrodisiacs...spankings...BDSM...more incest...and blood baths will fill much of this film.  Oh yes...Linnea Quigley is in this, too.

Will Madison and Carter be successful in stealing the Bathory gold?  Will Elizabeth take Madison's soul...and/or body?  If Hollywood script writers made more films about bikini models bathing and frolicking, would  they have to fear about being replaced by AI?  This is a gratuitous and satisfying film on so many levels.  One may even hazard to aver that this film is Mindy Robinson's magnum opus.  See "A Blood Story," and develop a new appreciation for bikini models.    

Meander, Claustrophobic Scifi

Okay, I admit it.  This film will not get a lot of love.  Too bad as there is so much to love about this one from France.  For one...if you say to someone you watched a French movie, they will automatically think you intelligent.  Second, the babe in it will be clad in a tight, form fitting space-babe suit through most of the film.  Lastly, no matter how the first half of this film goes, there will be gore and a monster...or two. Today we look at 2020's "Meander," directed by Mathieu Turi.

The lovely Lisa (Gaia Weiss) wants to end it all.  Not able to cope with the death of her little girl, she tries to throw herself in front of oncoming traffic.  If things couldn't get worse, she is picked up by a homicidal maniac, Adam (Peter Franzen).  He tries to murder her, then...  Well, then what?  Great question.  She just wakes up in a claustrophobic chamber in the aforementioned jumpsuit. Even more confusing is there is a bulky bracelet on her that lights up and counts down from 11 minutes.  She cannot get it off.  The thing she is in seems to be controlled by an intelligent, though malignant force as it pushes her out of the chamber into a tunnel maze.  Now she is forced to go forward and explore the tunnels.  If she stops, the walls close in on her until she reached the next tunnel.  Even worse, periodically, the tunnels fill with flammable gas and fill with fire.

Slowly, Lisa adapts to the dangers of this maze.  Acid baths, toothy barbed wire, crushing walls, fire, and even water are her perils as she goes forth...but forth to what?  Uh oh...remember the psycho Adam?  He's in the tunnels too.  Already burned over all his body, he is not human anymore, but a monster.  He still wants to murder Lisa and he pursues her.  Now, Lisa must not only figure out what is wanted of her, the mystery of the tunnels, but also outsmart Adam.  If you saw "Cube" or "Crawl or Die," you will realize the inspiration for this film.  Claustrophobic and squirm-inducing, the film will then branch out into a science fiction plot with some weird plot developments.

What are the backstories of Adam and Lisa?  Just who or what abducted these two and are they now pawns in a twisted game?  Is there escape for the Euro-babe in the tight jumpsuit?  Many of you will not like where this movie eventually goes, but I say...Great, go for it!  Bored with the DC or Marvel idiocy some call a universes, see a real movie that makes you think...and wince.  Watch "Meander" today for a terrific horror/science fiction story.   

The Sniper, Man on Roof Hates Brunettes

Misogyny did not begin with Bill Clinton. As the governor of Arkansas and then as president, this fiend victimized young woman and ruined them.  Misogyny existed long before this creep...in fact, our film today is over 70 years old.  Brunettes beware!  These dames will not fare well.  Today we look at 1952's "The Sniper," directed by Edward Dmytryk.  This one is a dark Film Noir type thriller and not the feel good film of the 50s.

Edward has a problem.  He hates women.  He is just out of prison against the recommendation of the prison shrink.  Both Edward and the shrink know that the he is unstable and liable to hurt pretty women. Now Edward is back in society and pushed to insanity by the sight of lovely brunettes.  The urge to murder them is so intense, he intentionally burns his hand to stop them.  This doesn't work.  Now he comes into contact with Jean (Mary Windsor) a sultry brunette who wears slinky gowns, flirts, and sings at a bar.  She's gorgeous and every man lusts after her.  Edward takes his rifle, finds a rooftop, and blows Jean's head off.  Very sad. Jean won't be the last.  The cops get involved.  Detective Kafka (Adolphe Menjou) and police shrink Dr. Kent (Richard Kiley) are on the case.  They meet hundreds of sex maniacs in the city looking for the killer's identity.

Edward will kill Mary (Marlo Dwyer), a prostitute that mocks him.  Then the socialite Mrs. Fitzpatrick (Lillian Bond).  Now city hall is pressuring Kafka to find the killer.  Eddie unravels even more and his misogynistic tendencies take further hold on him.  More babes are endangered and murdered...not all brunettes now.  Kent and Kafka find clues.  The city panics.  Unfortunately for everyone involved, Edward is a great shot...and never misses.

Will the cops find Edward before he murders every babe in the city?  What made Edward into what he is today?  Are the themes and plot devices in this 1952 movie more relevant today than they were over seven decades ago?  See this horrific case study of a misogynistic psycho and realize that we have infinitely more of them prowling America today.  See "The Sniper" for a vicious tale of murder and failed mental health policies.